You don’t have to heal alone.

For so long, I thought that the smallest version of myself would be the best version of myself. Obsessed with how the world saw me, I constantly looked for the newest and fastest way to shrink myself. My mind told me that the smaller I was, the more deserving I was. That if I could just weigh less, I would finally be worthy of love and happiness. I was consumed by diet culture and terrified of food. As the weight fell off my body, I fell more and more out of love with myself. I felt unfulfilled after reaching numerous “weight loss goals”, and just kept thinking “I could be smaller”. Losing weight was the most isolating and lonely process I have ever been through. After years of damaging my body to find self worth, I finally realized that my life purpose was not to shrink myself. This obsession with image and the need to control my diet came at the expense of my own health and the most important relationship I held, the one with myself.

Fast forward a year, today my relationship with my body, food and movement has improved immensely. Although my mindset has changed for the better, my body is suffering the consequences and my tummy has needed some extra TLC. After the fad diets, restricting, binging, etc., I have put my stomach through the wringer. I am currently working with a gastrointestinal doctor to help heal my gut to better my digestion and the painful symptoms that come with poor gut health. I currently am on the low-fodmap diet, a short term diet for IBS. This diet is something that I need to be on to figure out what foods disagree with me, and to give my stomach a bit of a break. By no means do I want to be on any diet at all due to my past with food restriction, however, this is not a diet for weight loss. This short term diet has relieved the symptoms I have been experiencing and I am beginning to re-introduce foods that are “high” in fodmaps to see what flares my stomach.

While I am on my journey to healing my gut, I decided to document my experience and bring you along with me. I know how isolating it can feel to have stomach issues/a poor relationship with food and I want to hold this space for anyone struggling with their health. This blog will share how I have learned to listen to my body, practice exercise for mental/physical health, and how I have healed my relationship with myself. Alongside this, I will be showing how I am combatting the damage that I once did to my body and what I am doing to heal my gut. Every day is a work in progress and I am constantly overcoming intrusive thoughts. This journey is not linear, but I have learned to become stronger than my thoughts.

I tell my story today to help people learn from my mistakes and show that it is possible to have a positive relationship with food and your body. Shifting my focus from eating and exercising to lose weight to seeing food as nourishment and moving to feel good has mended the relationship I have with myself. I will be going back to school this year to pursue a career in holistic nutrition and will be able to give more accredited advice. I am so glad you have found my page and I can’t wait to share more of my story with you.

Now let’s get cooking!